The Importance of Being Imperfect

As a society, we celebrate success.  Getting into the best school is critical, and often the best school means the one with the highest test scores.  Good grades are either A or A+.  Giant foam hands with the index finger sticking up are available everywhere, we're #1!  We're the best!  We may root for the underdog but we would be thrilled if they began winning (Chicago Cubs fans, anyone?).

Mistakes are a great learning tool.  They usually don't feel very good, and the negative emotions associated with errors, mix-ups, goofs, you name it, are powerful reminders not to do that again.  

Intellectually we know that no-one is perfect and that we all make mistakes.  How can we help our children, and ourselves, embrace that fact?

We can practice "failure" with our children in small ways.  For example, when a child is assembling connecting blocks to make a structure that is top-heavy, rather than stepping in and showing them the right way to build, let them make the structure and have it fall over.  Then help them to take a step back and try to see what happened.  What went wrong, and where?  What is a better strategy for next time?

When we make a mistake, we can recruit kids to help us problem solve using the questions above.  If their suggestion doesn't work the way we think it will, this is another opportunity to try a different solution.  Treat their input as meaningful and give it a try, even if it seems silly.

Having the freedom to make mistakes teaches children to analyze, problem solve, cooperate and come up with new ideas to try.  It gives them the resilience they need to not become discouraged when life does not work out exactly as they expect, the creativity to come up with new solutions, and the courage to try them.  It can also develop empathy for other people when they themselves make mistakes.

Resilience, creativity, courage and empathy.   These are the skills that our children will need if they are to grow up to be happy, successful adults.

Let's celebrate the mistakes we make and the gifts they give us!

Children and Success - What Does It Take?

Of course we want the children in our lives to be successful.  Parents try to make sure their kids get into the best possible school.  Educators create curricula that they hope will bring out the best in their students.

We as a society seem to gravitate toward numbers as a predictor for future success.  IQ scores are supposed to indicate ability.  The test scores a school receives are a measure of how good a school is.

I would propose that the tools that children really need to have in order to become successful, happy adults, are persistence and resilience.

The ability to keep at something until we have fully learned it is something that benefits people all of their lives.  Children who learn to work at a goal have an enormous advantage over those who don't, and I believe have a much better chance of living happy, fulfilled lives.

I came across this article recently and thought it important to share:  http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2012/07/can-kids-be-taught-persistence/

I would love to hear your thoughts.  

Fidget to Focus

There is much discussion today about how children are less able to focus on an activity, particularly when they are learning.  Fidgeting, squirming in their seat, looking out the window, doodling, these are all signs that we adults interpret as not paying attention.

As counterintuitive as it may sound, these signals are more often an attempt to stay focused rather than being tuned out.  Several recent studies have shown that performing an activity that brings in other senses actually helped children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder focus more on the activity at hand. 

All of us have things we do to help our own attention.  We chew gum, drink hot or bubbly drinks, tap our feet, chew our fingernails, drum on the table, you get the idea. 

Children and adults with autism spectrum disorder often need more of these types of supports to attend to an activity or situation.  They have difficulty processing sensory information, especially when they are dealing with many things at once.  They may squirm in their chair, lean on furniture or people, move their hands, make noises, all in an attempt to clear distracting noise, sight or sound and make sense of what is happening in their environment. 

Rather than telling any child to be still, keep their hands quiet, or look at a particular area or person, take a step back and ask yourself what they need to pay attention.  Involve them in figuring out what works for them.  Some ideas that help children, and adults, to focus include:

·         Using a fidget item such as a small squeezable ball or other toy, or piece of fabric.  

·         Sit on an inflated cushion.  This will allow them to wiggle without overly distracting others.

·         Do chair push-ups by putting hands on the sides of the chair when seated and gently pushing down.

·         Place a strip of material in a favorite texture under the desk so that they can touch it while working on a project.

·         Put a stretchy band such as Theraband around the legs of a chair and let your child bounce their feet on it.

·         Place a pillow under their feet that they can tap on without distracting others. 

·         Allow for unusual body positions, such as standing, walking around briefly then returning to their work.

·         All children benefit from breaks.  Younger children often benefit from seeing a visual cue, such as a Time Timer (now available as an app), older children may benefit from a break after an assignment is completed. 

Giving your child options and helping them to figure out solutions that work for them will not only help them focus and enhance learning, but will help them take more control over their lives. 

What has your experience with fidgeting been like?